The Christian Adult Child

This is a source of community, reflections and information for those going through the 12 steps in the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families as a Christian.

God has wonderfully navigated this healing journey for me, and I want to share my story, in the hopes that there are pieces that may spur hope for you.

Being an Adult Child is characterized by isolation and as the Big Red Book calls it, terminal uniqueness. It’s that feeling of always being on the outside, looking in. That deep-seated “truth” that you won’t belong with anyone. Perhaps you even feel you are watching your own life. Trauma causes deep disassociation, as a protection mechanism.

Engaging with life, reality and truth for the first time can be totally overwhelming. As children, we had to buy into, and believe the distorted lies that were the Alcoholics truth and reality. We didn’t have another choice. 

Yet, in Christ, we are called to belong and to approach Him as a child.

How can we do that, if our childhood was stolen by the disease of alcoholism?

How do we pray for our needs, when we don’t feel we have the right to have any?

How do we ask for help, if we are wired to be hyper-independent?

How do we trust God, ourselves, and others – when trust has been linked with pain?

How do we heal, when we don’t see another way of life?

How do we relax and have fun, when our physical body has developed in high-stress, cortisol-baked environments?

How can I trust God, if He allowed my painful childhood happen to me?

How do I dream, if I am stuck in survival mode?

In this journey, I’ve learned I can’t expect my Christian brothers or sisters to understand the unique struggles of being an ACA and in the ACA community I haven’t found a group connection of being a Christian and ACA. 

Perhaps you have tried to share your struggles with other Christians, and you have been told to “trust God” or “have faith” or “let go”. I realize now that my church family doesn’t want to see me in pain, they offer advice that may work for them. However, in this deep healing journey, I was looking for someone who could both understand my struggle and walk with me a little bit as I struggle to overcome the lies I believe about God, myself, the world, what I deserve and life.

We can’t get our childhoods back, but we can learn to become a child for the first time, as a Child of God, today.