Along my healing journey, I have picked up some tools along the way. My therapist recommended the Big Red Book, I do too. I am sharing things that may be helpful for you, as they were for me. I’ve realized there are some things that are helpful as intellectual knowledge (books and videos) but I also included things that are good for my body (tea, blankets, and a stuffy!). Releasing the weight of stored and repressed memories doesn’t happen purely by acquiring knowledge, though that can help with forming new habits. Feeling my feelings for me has meant, allowing myself the comfort of a blanket wrapped around me, a hand on my chest as I sob, holding my stuffed animal when I take a pause from reading a line in the BRB that evokes a childhood memory. As we get better, memories will surface. This is painful. I resisted comforting myself for a long time since I was emotionally neglected. Eventually, I allowed myself to comfort and validate myself and things are getting more hopeful.
There’s a lot here. If you’re interested in where to start, check out this post.
I’m sharing with you what has worked for me. I have been guided towards taking a full-person approach:
- Assisting the nervous/adrenal system through breath work
- Information
- Coming back to the moment
- Comfort
Youtube Rockstars
Dr. Ramani
Narcissism and alcoholism can be present in the same household. It’s horrible. Most alcoholic parents are adult children themselves. Some are narcissists. Adult children are “others-focused”, making them vulnerable to narcissists. I recommend her.
Drybar Comedy
Okay hear me out on this one. I was treating my healing like I did about most other things, with a clenched-jaw and laser-intense focus on making it through as fast as possible. Now, I take moments to infuse laughter into my days in general. As Dr. Ramani says, enjoying the moment and laughter is true revenge against the abuse of narcissism.
Patrick Teahan
Patrick talks about toxic family systems. Take it easy on these. There is a lot to unpack here for ACAs.
Instrumental Music
There’s a lot there in terms of music. What you find relaxing is unique to you. Part of my issue is a dysregulated nervous system, hypervigiliance and an “inner chaos”. It’s taken me some time to find a sweet spot of relaxing without being overstimulating. I like this artist the best.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy
I learned about dysregulation from her. I learned about the nervous system and the brain. In her journey, she realized therapy didn’t work for her and has some videos on it. It worked for me as an ACA because it broke that “don’t trust” barrier.
Books
The Big Red Book
I purchased this when I realized that I leaned on work as a coping mechanism to not feel my feelings. I didn’t read a lot of it, just snippets, but it showed me that I leaned heavily on my work as my identity and meaning because it was something I felt I was actually good at. Now, I am learning that there is more to me than to work.
Codependent No More
My friend gave me this book. This helped me IMMENSELY in being understanding the behavior in my family…and myself. I’ve noticed that codependency and alcoholism often ride together. Codependency to me is feeling someone else’s feelings for them, taking personal responsibility for other people’s action, refusing joy and controlling circumstances and people. How exhausting! One of my favorite quotes from her (paraphrased), is that if we “commit to codependency recovery the same energy it takes to be codependent, we can be come well rather quickly”. Codependency takes a LOT of effort.
Supporting the Nervous System & Lifestyle Products
- Headspace
I have meditated everyday since getting this app. I find it really useful. Part of something I struggle with is being in my body. I can practice this by breathing. Slowly and surely I am seeing the results. This habit helped me engage my frontal lobes (part of the brain that shuts off in high stress and is needed to analyze things!) I got a good deal because I’m a student, but they have deals sometimes.
- Essential oils
I have tried several brands and have arrived at Doterra. The ones from TJMaxx give me a migraine. Rosemary is great for brain function. Lavender for relaxing. Find what works for you. I also love pine (Northern Escape). The point of essential oils for me are to create an atmosphere that I find relaxing. My favorite is one called Cheer and I diffuse it in the morning because I struggle with nearly paralyzing depression and anxiety upon waking – this lifts my mood and just does something to my brain and body that feels relaxing. I stand by it.
https://www.doterra.com/US/en/p/cheer-uplifting-blend-oil
- A weighted blanket
Weighted blankets claim to help improve sleep and anxiety. This has been the case for me. I struggle with anxiety and PTSD symptoms. Feeling the weight feels calming to me. Most websites recommend 10-15% of your body weight, I went with 7% because I don’t like feeling “trapped”. I wanted one that was washable and a natural fibre, so I got the bamboo one from Luna and I like it thus far.
- A stuffed animal
If you go to an ACA meeting you might see some people who have stuffed animals. I liked the idea so I got one that spoke to me. I love it. As a kid, I wanted to be “grown up” to get my parents approval. To me, this meant not caring about a stuffed animal like the other kids. Now, I let myself have a cute stuffed animal that I have affection towards. Research shows that it provides comfort, if research is your thing 🙂
- Tea
I enjoy tea. I always have. I never sat down to drink a cup however – so I have a huge collection. I drink tisanes, green and black. I don’t get tea that has coloring or “natural flavors”. I enjoy this brand quite a lot, it is quality checked in Germany.
- Tinctures
I use tinctures to support my nervous system. For most of my life I have been running on adrenaline and cortisol. As a woman, this has impacted my hormones, too. I take Ginko, Holy Basil and Ashwagandha e-v-e-r-y d-a-y. I use HERB PHARM.
The Christian Adult Child 